I weighed 111 today, woo! I don’t look 111 though in my opinion…I am weird. I have fantasies about the weirdest things, but maybe these things will sound normal to some of you... I want to be skinny, very skinny. I want girls who to feel fucking huge and hate their life when they see how small I am. I want girls to see how small I am and feel like total shit about their self and for them to be jealous and for them to talk shit with their equally chubby friends about how “she must stare herself” but really they silently WISH they had the willpower to quit stuffing their face…….i don’t mean this to apply to ALL girls, im not a total bitch, just the FEW girls I dislike. Girls who have done me wrong. Me getting skinny is my indirect fuck you to everyone I dislike. Its like I am automatically better then every girl who I am smaller than. Lol make sense? or am I just totally out of my god damn mind? haha or both.
Im introducing my best friend to my bf’s friend, so I am kinda nervous about that, I don’t want an awkward night. I think I will have some wine/light beer/a shot or two to calm my ass down. I hate drinking, cuz it’s empty cals. But I feel so much better when I am drunk-ish. I feel almost/slightly/kinda-a little good about myself and almost semi-sorta-ish happy. So I’ll plan on that for tonight, probably 3 drinks, im a lightweight and I have not ate all day today & don’t plan to so it won’t take much to give me a nice buzz.
Sunday I went to my bf’s house and he had a potluck type thingy and all his friends came over and we cooked dinner, and it was amazing and fun and such a good time, and we had every burner on the stove going, electric griddles going, microwaves, and everyone was cooking something different and we were all drinking and making a mess trying to chop up apples to put in the apple pancakes, and scramble eggs, and stuff. Oh god it was funnnn! I drank mimosas, and spent most of my time helping prepare the food and not eating the food. But anyways….his friends give me so much positive attention I loveeeeee it, they just think I am the cutest thing, which is crazy to me. And I know it is 100% innocent, cuz his friends are nice guys they would never try to steal me from him or persue me in annnyyy way, but when they give me hugs or call me baby or love, or beautiful, but I knowwww it HAS to make my bf a litttttttle bit jealouse,…which I like. He can be jealouse, maybe it will make him treat me better if he feels threatened and sees other guys giving me attention….there is gonna be another “Sunday dinner” with all his friends this Sunday, I am excited for it.
I wana weigh 105 by the time my spring break is over. Idk if I can lose a noticeable amt of weight in a week but I want to try. So I should probably hit the damn gym tomorrow. <3 starve on