Hello

Wow I can't believe I can still log onto this blog. All the blogs I used to follow don't seem to be active anymore. Current situation: working full time as a RN, fat (122 lbs). It blows my mind that I am this big. I've been binging a lot. And strangely justifying it all in my head. Wow I miss being skinny. All my coworkers comment how I'm so small, and I just think they are crazy. Most of my coworkers are rude bitchy middle aged women so I would of course LOVE to show them what skinny really is to make them hate themselves....that sounds mean but they are jerks to me most of the time so it reaLly isn't mean at all. I'm on call today which means I can't exactally go for a run because I will have to show up T the hospital within 20 mins and if I am running there is a good chance I will not be able to get home and drive to work in that amount of time. I can't wait to get back into the swing of getting skinny. It's such a rush knowing you are loosing weight.

anyone out there?

wow I am surprised I could even log into this account, it has been so long. I am in much need of some motivation, inspiration, and like minded people right about now. A lot has changed since I last posted. Now I am about 2 months away from finishing my RN degree! woo! I was working as a LPN for the last few years. I started running, I completed 2 half marathons this summer and got in good-ish shape, about 107lbs. :) then I went back to school and work FT in the fall and the pounds got packed on. I weigh about 120 now... EW. I feel gross, I feel ugly, even my bf says I have gained weight. (he is honest and wont just lie to my face and say I am beautiful no matter what...He will tell it like it is). So besides wanting to not look and feel like crap I also made a bet with my bf on if I could get down to 99 lbs by April. I intend on going all out to lose weight.I still have to devote a huge chunk of my time to studyng for RN school, cleaning and cooking for the two of us, chores, etc. But I will be working out almost every day. It is wild to think I used to live at home with mommy and daddy and how much free time that gives you. Now I am on my own doing laundrey, dishes,grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, aka a bunch of crap that eats into my study time and work out time! So far 0 cals today, and I am getting ready to hit the gym soon. P.S. is anyone out there?? All the blogs I used to follow have not had any posts in years!

It's been a while...

So where have I been? I’m officially a NURSE with an active NURSING LICENCE. Woo! So I feel like I have been putting my weight loss on the back burner due to having to study for my nursing school final exams, my nursing school clinical rotations, my licensure exam (ya I studied 8 hrs a day ALL summer, it was hell, but I passed so well worth it). Now that I am DONE with nursing school it is such a sigh of relief, I can breathe for the first time not having to worry IF I will flunk out or something, I always felt guilty when I would do ANYTHING, like I would think to myself “I should be studying right now instead of hiking”. I am golden, I am set for life, I can work anywhere in any state or any country, my career is in motion, now I can focus on ME! Which I already have started to do, I went shopping, I have been hitting the gym almost every day, I made a dermatologist appt, I have been cleaning house, sleeping in, haha. It is the best feeling ever! Sooo now I have TIME to blog….too bad all the blogs who I used to follow are all disappeared and/or have not had a posting in ages! Where did everyone go?

I weigh 110. BOOO!!!! But for a while I was 115 around august, so I really am happy to be 110.

Today I plan on going to school, maybe stopping by the mall and cashing in some coupons, no gym cuz my lazy ass who is possibly catching a cold slept in, and oh yeah not eating a single thing all day.

me

yep, that's me. pic from yesterday. it doesn't show off my figure well since its a dress/i'm all covered up. I took some GOOD pics of me in a cute outfit a couple days ago, but my sis deleted them off her camera. :( I weigh like 110 again. fuck. I need to lose weight. I am almost on summer break, I am studying for my Med-Surg final right now....kinda. I can not wait to be on my 10 day break from school, no studying, just the gym and starving...untill then I am just sitting on my ass studying all day long. ughhhh.

I went shopping yesterday, I was about to go to the gym and one of my best friends called and since I hadn’t seen her since august I definitely was gonna choose seeing her over the gym, by the time we got home the gym was closed. I bought a cute shrug/sweater type thing for 9 dollars. I didn’t bother shopping for jeans because my ass shrinks outta jeans quick when I am loosing weight, which I plan on doing. I will buy myself a nice pair of designer jeans (on sale of course) when I am too small to fit into all my current size 0 nice jeans, or when they don’t fit me tight anymore. I weighed 108 this morning. boo. But I will take it, I will work with it.

My legs are SO sore from my run on sat. ahhhh. Ahh!!! I just realized its memorial day so the gym is closed!!!! Lame. I was actually gonna go today. I don’t want to run outside due to the fact my legs are too sore to run, they could do a treadmeal or elliptical at the gym, but not a run…and due to the fact that on my last 3 mile run around my neighborhood I saw a homeless looking man on a bike, and a creepy truck drove past me about 6 times, and I was beginning to suspect either he was A. lost or B. trying to scope out where I was running from/to in order to see where I live or C. wanting to abduct me! Haha. Im paranoid. But seriously us young girls gotta watch our backkk. Ill just catch up on homework today and hope someone invites me to hang out.

PS my blog wont let me follow anyone OR view my followers! Wtf. Its been like this for a while, anyone know how to fix it???

I weighed 107 this morning! probably dehydration, but its still nice to see. Woo!
Yesterday I ran 3 miles, in about 30 mins, haha SLOW me. But it was outside, there was hills and I stopped to walk a few times and I was running on empty, literally.

My fam had a memorial day bash yesterday and they BBQ’d and baked a cake and made pasta, but I didn’t eat any of it, none of it even looked good to me. Nothing. I tried a bite of the cake, it tasted JUST okayyy, so I spit it out. The pasta was JUST okaaaay also, so id dint bother. I seriously was hungry and would have ate IF there was anything I liked. But there is nothing that appealed to me. Ha, so it worked out for me. I just drank black coffee and diet pepsi all night.

My little cousins were sitting down to eat dinner, and this is right when I cut a piece of cake to try, and right before I go to eat the cake my 4 yr old cousin says “did you eat something healthy first?” hahahaha, and of course I didn’t eat anything, or anything healthy, but I thought it was sooo cute that sheeee was inquiring to me if I had ate something healthy before I had desert, lol cuz I knowww her parents have her eat dinner before she can have any treats. Haha so I lied and said yes I ate salad and a hotdog and pasta first, because I want to set a good (although fake) example to her. Hahaha. it was funnyyyy, she even pointed her finger at me when she asked, lol.

Funny stuff ppl said to me recentally: my uncle came over a week ago and he was like “god it looks like you lost 100 lbs, you look gaunt, sick” and I DID look sick, because I was TIRED from nursing clinical and I had no makeup on so I look pale/sickley without it. And I just said “no I definitally haven’t lost any weight, im just tired” and he goes “well don’t get so tired that you forget to eat”
I was trying on a dress with a slip to see if it was STILL see-thru with the slip I had bought and I was having my sisters examine it and try to see if they could see my underwear thru the dress with the slip on under it and my older sister said I looked like “an anorexic vampire” lol. Anorexic because she thinks I am skinny, and vampire because I am PALE.
I had my sis take a pic of me last night cuz I was wearing a cute new top and I had my hair curled, and I was like "oh let me take my jacket off for this pic", and she was like “no keep it on, your bony shoulders will show if you take your jacket off, and you already have the mary-kate look goin’ on as is”

CRAZY how do people think these things when I see everything SO totalllly different. Like what the hellllll. Everyone is crazy with totally wacky perceptions. I see the truth, and the truth is I got about 15 lbs left to go before I look even close to good.

Ahh! Ive been SO busy lately. I feel good though, I weighed 109 this morning. I have been living off of pink grapefruit and asparagus. I also have my nursing clinical at a family practice clinic this week, so I am gone for about 9 hours a day tues-fri doing that. I have been eating 1 cup of special K cereal, combined with 1 light Yoplait yogurt, I mix them both together in a bowl, it is SOOO GOOD. So its about 200 cals. It makes it so filling when you combine the yogurt with the dry cereal. Then for lunch I pack some almonds, about 1/8th cup (70 cals), and ½ cup of special k cereal (50 cals) (dry…I hate milk in my cereal), and some craisins (100 cals) and then ill have a mall amt of whatever my mom cooks for dinner. I eat lunch when I am at my clinical because it is SO important for me to be on point. I mean I am giving injections, and charting, and ordering prescriptions, and dealing with human lives, so I need to be alert and energized when I am there. So I eat my lunch every day. I am such a slacker, I gotta go study for an exam tomorrow, which I haven’t studied at all for yet! Ahh!! Hope everyone is doing good!!!